a little ditty about tsmy.

My grandfather’s burial and funerary whatnot came right before my midterm exams. I’m a senior. Regardless of how awful I feel against it, I need to take my exams seriously. So, naturally, January was a cruel month for me. 

What a way to start the year, losing him to a freak accident and all. He was very important to me and no I am not writing a theatrical eulogy or something.

It’s weird and frustrating how you can’t really write for those dearest to you. Fiction is the easiest. Everyone has the capacity to lie. So, it’s easy. We can make up stuff so candidly. We did it almost every day as kids.

On the other hand, gathering the right words to describe how you feel about losing someone dear is the hardest. Memories are tricky. You can play them over in your head but you can’t really write them down. For my part, I fear my poor arsenal of words won’t do them justice. I’ll either underplay them or overdramatize.  

Come to think of it, I guess memories, like grief are very intimate things. They have to be personal for them to be real. No one else can feel the gravity of your emotions as you can for yourself.  I can’t really share my grief. I can only empathize.

Funny, how I’ve used too much words just to say something so simple:

I miss my grandfather so much. It’s been lonely and sad these past few weeks, I don’t know how to deal with it. I only rely on time to make this bearable.